So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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