Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
