U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
