he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
