Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
