It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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