So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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