I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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