Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
