So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
