i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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