i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
