You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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