I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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