ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
