Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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