its not stalking. its research.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
