and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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