my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
