Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
