Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
