Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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