I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he puts the penis in happiness.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
