i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
