we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
