I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
