I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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