he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
