The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
