Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
