Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
