if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
