the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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