found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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