Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
