That reminds me...we need to get swords
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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