Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
