im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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