he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
