Who did Billy Mays play for?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
