he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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