so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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