i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
