dude i'm inner monologue high
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I love you.
Bad choice
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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