Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
