apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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