What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize