There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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