I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
