just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
