All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
