I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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