I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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