WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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