I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
