This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
