I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
