Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
