Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
