"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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