all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
