you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
