i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Someone came in the potted fern
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
