I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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